Wisdom & the Impulse to Run part 2


We can’t run away from our lives. We can feel the impulse to run away. We know in the ego interpretation, there is a very subtle belief that one can run away, that one can actually find a place in this universe to hide. When we think in quietness, when we think in a moment of safety, where there are friends, we come to a double-edged understanding. We come to the deep understanding that we cannot run away from our life. We cannot run away from what we feel. We cannot run away from who we are. One side of that understanding is, “Oh, my God, it is so frightening because I am trapped.” The other side is, “I must face my life.” When I face it, I will find in my life the Wisdom and the Peace I thought was not there. Rather than it being a threat, it becomes a door to Grace. This is what we hope to achieve anyway by trying to run away, but we know we can’t. Where is there to hide? Where is there anywhere on this earth something that does not change? Where could we go to step outside of boundaries, to step outside of time, to step away from feelings existing inside of us? There is no place to go. There is no place to hide. So here we are. To face that deeply and compassionately and honestly, is a reckoning, is a learning, is a journey of immense value.

I cannot run from my beliefs. They are with me wherever I go. I will see them in whatever I see. Even if I close the door and sit alone in the darkness forever, I will experience myself. Remember that beautiful line from Hamlet, “I could be bound in a nutshell and consider myself the king of infinite space if it were not for these bad dreams.” Here I am. Here I am. Do I greet myself as if I mattered, compassionately; or do I greet myself as if somehow there was something inside of me which speaks of disgrace. Am I a sinner? Have I sinned? Is my inner life some shadowy tangle of feelings I shouldn’t feel? Or is my inner life, along with my outer life, a place where the Master waits to teach the great art of release from bondage to boundaries and limitations?

If we believe in this spiritual Presence, this divine Teacher, this compassionate Presence, where is it? Is it outside of my feelings? Is it outside of my life circumstance? Is it outside of my thoughts? Is it outside of my day to day experience? Here is a suggestion that it is not outside of those. It is in them. It is of them. Everywhere we turn we can find this Presence. Everything we feel has the potential of this Presence. Everything we are is an echo of this Presence.

Am I ready for Love is a beautiful question we can ask ourselves. Am I ready for Love? Do I want this Love now in an honest way? Do I want to see the hard edges of my difficulties dissolve? Do I want to turn my pain away from a description suggesting something is wrong? Do we want to live life without blame and without remorse? Here I am. There is nothing else but here I am. This is where I must start my pilgrimage. Is this life anything other than a pilgrimage, a pilgrimage in some mysterious place, a pilgrimage to the holy land, a pilgrimage toward Light. The Light first is experienced as coming from within us.

Let us know this about ourselves: we are the Light; we are the Peace that created us; our prayers and our feelings are One. We can put down in some fundamental way, everything we think we knew and accept the openness and accept the feeling tones existing within us as something different than what we have been taught to think of them. So let’s invite this Presence into the room. Let’s invite It into our bodies. Let’s invite It into our hearts and into our thoughts. We do this, not because we are lacking or because there is something wrong, but because our wanting is a dignified wanting. We want a joyousness and an openness and a Peace surpassing all understanding. We want God’s Love, and we want the messenger of Love to be with us in a conscious way, always. We want to feel we don’t have to control, and we don’t have to press against our own life. We want to feel life isn’t a series of betrayals, but beneath it is some enduring substance that never dies and is never born. What is alive within us never dies. It can never be threatened. It can never be torn apart. What is alive within us is forever.

Part 2 of a 3-part series.

Copyright 1993 Estate of Stephen Robbins Schwartz



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