Experiencing Ourselves As Mystery

 
 
 

The goals of the world are complex. The goal of our spiritual search is really quite simple: It is to recognize what it means to be One. This recognition reveals that our experience on earth is shared. Nobody is alone. Even our fear is a shared fear. Our guilt is a shared guilt. Our longing to be home is a shared longing. Our release from the belief that we are wedded to this body as our only home will be a release we all share.

As we deepen our quest to realize Oneness, we discover that the moment we are in, is the only moment which exists. Therefore it is impossible to have an argument with it. To argue with ourselves, at any point in time, is to mistrust all that is. To do that is also to pretend that we are somewhere else.

We are here. We are with our feelings, and our approach to these feelings can be so open that it feels like we have never had them before. We give up all the names. We give up all the descriptions. We give up all the frames through which we view our inner life, and move into ourselves as if we were nothing but mystery.

To not understand the meaning of anything can bring us profound joy. Fear comes from the meaning we ascribe to what we see, and therefore letting go of the meaning releases us from fear.

We have an inner life and we interpret it. Our interpretation is not fact. We see a world around us. We have relationships and friends. We sometimes have difficulties with the people we see. Yet our experience of these outward events is an interpretation and not truth. What we have come to think of ourselves — what we are in this world, our sense of failure or success ‑- is not real. It is an interpretation based on the past.

There is a beautiful wisdom which arises from experiencing the innocence of our own self without the veil of interpretation. “I am what I am and I need know nothing else.”

Let us accept for one moment the dignity of our experience here on this earth. Even though it is often veiled and obscured in many ways, the dignity of our quest and of our past is as intact now as it always will be.

Let us notice how we have made a great demand on ourselves to be a certain way, to live up to some expectation, and to grasp at ideals we cannot touch. Notice the way we hunt ourselves down so many trails. Sometimes we fret and obsess around what we think we should have done or where we think we should be.

It is an uplifting practice to spend a few moments in silence and let all of this disappear. We are here and the burden we feel is made up. It is a story, a description. The various threads of that description have been picked up in a multiplicity of ways. In the end, it doesn’t matter where they came from. It only matters that the veil of truth about who we are, exists. But that veil is not an enemy and there is nothing in it to resist. Our only work is to know that it is a veil, and very slowly and gracefully to push that veil aside. “It’s okay to be who I am. I don’t have to make any demands. I think sometimes I have to be someone else. When I think this way, it becomes a demand which can never be satisfied and it hurts. The gap between what I feel and what I think I should feel sometimes seems very great.”

In that gap there is pain. Our appeal as human beings is made to the Power of Light that we may be allowed to have an experience of Grace in which we realize that Love does not condemn. Therefore there need be no despair about where we are or where we think we’ve been.

Copyright 1993: Estate of Stephen Robbins Schwartz

 

 

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